favorites.

1. songs to run to at the moment: coldplay's strawberry swing; the airborne toxic event's sometime around midnight

2. new-to-me band: frightened rabbit

3. boots: urban outfitters uniform suede boot.

4. day at the office: halloween, OMFG

5. vodka: grey goose

6. dog: kolby (this is a big deal. gus was still my favorite until a few months ago.)

7. anticipation: trip to hawaii. come on february!

8. work out: the kick-my-butt weights/cardio class at the gym. holy cow.

9. show: the office

10. season: autumn

lusting.

after this.

stunned.

i have no words to describe how upset and angry this makes me. watch the video. it's just another reason why i always buy free-range eggs.

knife, here's heart.

you changed
for what seems like a
f
l
a
s
h

and now
it's all back to the same old
smoke
and mirrors
and the way that you don't seem to remember
what i said
or she said
or what i'm doing
tomorrow.
and see, we liked the new you
better.
oh, we still loved
your soul
and the man who we know you are --
who we know you can be.
but we're dying
absolutely dying
inside
again
because the old you
the one that hurt us time
and time
again,
is back.
and well, we're not sure
we'd like to embrace him.

oh, hi winter.

first on my agenda today was to meet a friend at church. but the migraine i woke up with made that impossible. naturally, after i slept and medicated the headache off, i was ready for some sunday fun.

thinking today would be beautiful and non-blustery...b and i set off for brunch at succotash. thankfully, the outside seating area there is blocked by the wind. because holy wind. i mean, did you go outside today?

i had a bacon, cheese and grilled onion omelet with a side of bacon. oh, holy bacon. i mean, this is the kind of thick, beautiful bacon that is crisp and fatty and did i mention thick? yum.

it was so refreshing to just sit in the sun, enjoying people watching and coffee and the best fresh-squeezed orange juice around.

we had to soak it in, really. because it seemed as each hour went by, autumn hid its face and winter began to sneak slowly into the room.

catching you up.

last week we saw ray la montagne at the uptown. he was amazingly vulnerable and raw...while very tight and together. make sense? i didn't think so either. he and his band didn't stray from the way the songs play on the albums...but he did bring in a pedal-steel player, which was a nice touch. either way, i could have listened to him play for days.

last night, b and i finally made it to room 39 for his belated birthday celebration. and, honestly, i was underwhelmed. we started with sweetbreads. they weren't bad and were nicely accompanied with a few onion rings and some pickled vegetables. we also ordered a house-smoked trout salad...that was small and mostly bland. b's cod was overpowered by some thick "sauce" that sort of looked like vomit...but my ribeye was amazing. i'll give them that. the service was very good and they were apologetic that they had to make us move tables when we first sat down and gave us a "gift" of beet risotto. we finished the meal with creme brulee, which was good but small. anyway, when i pay over $100 for dinner, i expect just a little bit more um, how can i say this...FLAVOR.

maybe they were just having an off night.

november 4.

i've been smart-phoned.

today, my arch-nemeses bit the dust. time of death, approximately 11:45 a.m.

and while i was angry that i had to drive to the t-mobile store to figure out what the heck was up, i was not sad to see her go. at all. seriously, worst phone ever.

she has been replaced with this.

sure, it's no iPhone...but it's still better than that hot pink be-och that never put my calls through.

oh, advertising in the 1930s.

regrets.

this weekend, i bought these. in YELLOW. for some reason, yellow isn't an option on the dsw website. but i assure you, mine are yellow.

i also assure you that they hurt like hell. were a mistake. and don't even look THAT cute. but, you might see me wearing them anyway. because they were not cheap.

shoot.

go figure.

the first mu game of the season that i actually go somewhere to watch, we lose big time. BIG, big time.

at least i still have the chiefs. wait, uh. nope.

oktober.

conundrum.

i love eating at indian buffets.
i hate when i leave a restaurant smelling like i bathed in curry, spices and chunks of meat.
on days like today, i go anyway and try to convince myself that i won't smell like lunch for the rest of the day.
i, inevitably, do.

but, oh, the tandoori chicken was divine.

you.

do you remember the time we sat and giggled about the silliest thing. for hours. instantly, we knew we'd be friends. best ones, even. do you recall the hours spent talking on the phone. several times a day. the walks. the coffees. the shopping. the dinners. the wine. the supporting. the giving and taking and anyway, you don't do you?

because if you did, you wouldn't have been able to walk away from it without even saying a proper goodbye. without wrapping it in delicate lace and ribbon and setting it firmly on a shelf where it could be taken down and unwrapped when needed.

but you never claimed to hold on to things -- the one truth you stood by.

about these cords...

i suck at cord management. i mean, i really, really, really suck at it. i don't know how to properly twisty-tie cords together. i can't figure out how to cut the plastic cord management piping stuff either. ugh. my cords are all a mess. and there is no end in sight.

cabbage and fish. and fish and cabbage.

last night, i made red cabbage. with broccoli, red onion, olive oil, garlic, soy sauce, ginger, vinegar and cilantro. i topped it off with a dollop of sour cream. i also put some siracha hot chili sauce on it. and a lump of cream cheese, which i stirred in, until it became all gooey.

b made fish. he breaded using an egg wash and Italian breadcrumbs. and then he baked it.

before dinner we ran outside, which was lovely. i went 4.2 miles and felt so alive when i was finished.

i also felt like i'd taken care of some required calorie burning due to the french food consumption that took place saturday when we ended up at aixois. we ate on the long patio that stretches the length of the space. it was the perfect evening for eating outside. we started with escargot that was cooked in this butter herb sauce. then shared a salad. then, i had duck medium rare. it was remarkable. until b mentioned that normally, it's not "okay" to get poultry medium rare. oops.

friday night we went to garozzos with his family to celebrate his birthday. and then we went bowling, where i beat everyone. with the most awesome score of 99.

such a nice weekend. such a wonderful autumn so far. winter, please stay away for awhile longer. thank you.

new faves.

conundrum wine.

salt and pepper pistachios.

sleeping in.

just one cup of perfect coffee.

not straightening my hair.

breaking my favorite shoes and not feeling the need to replace them immediately.

tonight.

reservations at room 39 fell through because the power was out. so we ended up at aixois. which was amazingly authentic. escargot. bib-lettuce salad. duck.yum.

the spontaneity continued as we accidentally went to this gay pride street festival in the crossroads. oops. good dancing was observed by all.

the fewer carbs lifestyle.

hi. today is day 16 of a new way of eating. of avoiding sugar and enriched flour. of keeping carb levels below 60 or something. and at first, it was very, very hard. did i say VERY?

but now, when i eat a piece of candy, it doesn't even taste THAT good.

and i'm back down to my pre-medication weight. yay!

i think the boot camp class is helping in the toning-up department. and anyway, i'm feeling so much better about myself.

that's all.

kolby james.

feel sorry for me.

last night, from approximately 11:30 to 12:30, i vomited.

i can barely walk today. my head hurts. my stomach hurts. all i had strength to do today was go grocery shopping. but i was way out of it. i took off with some guy's cart without noticing until he found me and said, "um, that is mine."

so i'm illin. which leads me to the question: WHY did i think it would be a good idea to make chili for dinner?

i want to vom again.

blech.

confession.

today was the first time in 13 days that i had candy. i ate 6 malted milk balls.

i want 600.

spilling.

i'm sitting at my desk listening to coldplay's "lovers in japan/reign of love." and i'm spilling. i mean, emotions from deep inside are bubbling to the surface. and i wonder if when people pass by and i smile, little sips of air push through my clenched teeth with phrases written on them like, "see what it feels like now." or "one day i'll work it out." or even "and in the end, the love we take."

and as the song slows into its second phase, this strange calm comes over me. sweeping the spillage back down. inside where no one can see it. where it lives for me to deal with. to pick up and turn over. to examine and dissect. to throw at a wall just to see if it breaks.

"reign of love, by the church we're waiting. reign of love, on our knees go praying."

the phone call.

so, michelle obama called me tonight. i was all, "of course i already sent in my voter registration, michelle. you know who has my vote, yo. by the way, saw you get out of your plane today. safe travels."

because computerized calls can hear me. duh.

blah.

hi. i've been sick since monday.

so in two days, i watched more HGTV than anyone should. slept more than anyone should. and well, did less work than anyone should.

see the pattern?

i'm back at work today. but still feeling a bit, um how should i say it...ugh.