letting go.

truth: the sun rises every day.

dinner.

grilled portabella with raw goat cheese, spinach, kale, heirloom tomato, grilled/toasted almonds, cauliflower, olive oil, homemade "hummus," salt and pepper.

descriptors.

i wonder how people describe me.

maybe like this: you know, jessi. the one who is always chewing gum.

or:

jessi, the one with the scrunched up forehead.

and i hope it's not:

that one girl who always smells like she ate garlic.

but mostly i'm curious if the way i'm described has changed in the past couple of years. hopefully, to include more positive attributes.

this "hummus" could change your life.

no seriously. it's that good.

but it's not REALLY hummus because it's missing tahini paste. it's sort of a hummus/pesto crossbreed.

to make it, put 2 cans of drained garbanzo beans into the food processor.
then peel 3 large cloves of garlic. throw those in the processor, too.
then take a handful of curly leaf parsley, and toss it into the mix.
plus a nice squeeze of fresh lemon juice.
and salt it the way you like it.
plus, i add cayenne. just a couple of pinches.
then pour in the olive oil. i use cold pressed, greek style. i don't know how much maybe 1/2 a cup.

now, process, process, process.

put it on sandwiches, salads, chips, vegetables, a spoon, your finger. just eat it. so good.

processing.

yesterday my mom took my niece to this woman's house with a huge garden to help weed it. and to play in the sprinkler. e wore her swimsuit.

there was a heat advisory and i was paranoid. so i made sure they knew about it. and felt uneasy until my sister told me she heard they were on their way home.

turns out that while they were there, one of the other ladies helping started having back pains. that wrapped toward her chest. a friend of my mom's. the same age.

when the ambulance came, my mom took e outside to the garden to play.

when e heard the sirens stop, mom said that they probably just had to change their tire. so that she wouldn't be afraid.

when it pulled away, they headed home.

e thinks my mom's friend hurt her back.

turns out she passed away.

i'm having a hard time processing this. and i wasn't even there. and i don't even know her.

the juxtaposition of e's innocence with the tragedy that unfolded makes me deeply sad. at this odd level. the same kind of sadness i used to experience when i was 11 and my 5-year-old sister would want tons of candy and she couldn't have it so she'd start crying. i'd get sad because she didn't need the candy. and she didn't know that if she ate tons of it. all of it. it would make her sick. she was just a little girl, wanting candy because it tasted good. because it was a treat.

like little e, excited to go garden with nana. in her swimming suit. with her curls bouncing. holding her ears when the sirens got closer. going to look at mom's friend's doll collection when things got scary.

a letter to unemployed creatives.

i'm hoping google spiders will crawl that title and people who've been looking for a job for what seems like forever will find this.

if you did, hi.

if not, hi anyway.

i was an unemployed job seeker. for a year and a month. it was depressing. demeaning. annoying. mundane. and, at times, belittling.

but. (there is always a but.)
i ended up getting an amazing job.

but it didn't happen how these sort of things used to happen. nope.
i had to network.
what?
yes.
you. must. network.

i was just talking to a fellow copywriter who has been unemployed and freelancing for awhile. he said, "it seems like in order to get anywhere these days, you HAVE to know someone."

he couldn't have been more right.

connections matter.

so start making them.

spend your free time (and i know you have lots of it) attending industry events. take leaders in our field out for coffee. pick their brain. ask them for suggestions, advice, anything. because these things, if you do them well, will eventually lead to a job.

but you have to be patient.

like more patient than you have ever been.

and you have to continue to produce work. somehow.

try a self-promotion campaign. (it worked for me.)

and in the meantime, consider contract jobs. they pay the bills. and you'll meet more people. and make new connections.

but mostly, don't stop creating. because if you really want to be in this field - this arena that requires us to be inventive, idea-generators, amazing, fresh, talented and quick - you must never stop practicing. growing. becoming better.

read a book (or five) on advertising or creativity or both.

stay inspired.

stay informed.

and mostly, stay connected.

because you never know if the next person you meet could lead to the job you've always wanted.

summer.

i don't even want to know.

i saw a used rubber glove on a downtown sidewalk today. just one.

a co-worker said, "well, at least they used protection."

so true. so true.

facts.

fact: i hate yard work. this year, the weeds win again.

fact: i'm addicted to gum.

fact: coconut creamer tastes better than soy creamer.

fact: i'm currently conflicted about the amount of fluoride in drinking water.

fact: i wonder if the last time i went to the ocean is the last time i'll ever go to the ocean.

fact: i put my blusher veil from the wedding day on my bulletin board.

fact: the only show i'm following this summer is 'last comic standing.'

fact: it makes me want to be a stand-up comedian.

fact: i have some good stories.

fact: one is about missing my entire 8th grade graduation because i was drying my armpits in the locker room.