progress.

so we met with a different adoption agency last night. it felt better. it feels good to be progressing.

what doesn't feel good is the fact that my chronic pain condition (muscular) has been flaring lately.

if you're a loyal reader, you'll remember my journey to figuring out the cause of all of my pain some time in 2007.

and though i've been able to keep it mostly under control, it's been bad lately. (sigh).

so i'm committing to a month of hot yoga. and of trying to take more moments to relax. hopefully, it helps.

i never thought it would happen.

i have some very important news: this girl likes beer.

and beer kitchen.

and the turkey turkey sandwich there.

and the vegetarian BLT.

but mostly, the beer.

and beer in general.

but only the kinds that (sort of) taste like they could be wine.

in my bones.

we saw bon iver last friday at the uptown. we stood in line for an hour to get seats in the balcony. the sound is better up there. and when you're under 6 feet tall, the view is better, too.

i expected a mellow show. somber, even. with smooth falsettos and haunting melodies.

i didn't even know if i would like it.

but holy shit did i like it.

loved, really.

it was haunting, yes. but in this raw, passionate way. it was electronic and hard. it was nothing i had expected. it was everything i had hoped for. it was beautiful.

and, now, it's in my bones. in my core. it changed me. and i can't stop listening to this song. and reliving the show. again and again and again. and anyway, i hope you were there, too.

sorry.

i've been a huge downer lately, huh?

well here's something happy.

tomorrow on the 10-year anniversary of 9/11, i will be remembering. but i will also be celebrating my nephew's first birthday.

like my tattoo says, forever on my arm - in darkness a light shines.

so tired.

i haven't been sleeping. rather, i haven't been sleeping well. i fall asleep fine and then wake up at almost exactly 2 a.m. every night and lay there. and lay there and lay there. and. lay. there.

finally around 4:30 or 5, i fall back asleep for an hour.

it's ruining my life.

i am not even kidding.

not getting good sleep messes with everything. metabolism. energy. stress. happiness. sense of well-being.

i think it's making me depressed. or maybe, i'm depressed and it's making sleep come harder.

last night, when i finally fell back asleep, i had a dream that a squirrel bit me and that i had to get a rabies shot. but instead of rabies shot stuff, they shot me up with penicillin, which caused anaphylaxis.

comforting, no?

seriously, what's wrong with me.

i'm too old for this shit.